The New Demands of On-Demand

WAHM Cheryl Ralston shares her observations of our on-demand lifestyles. I hope that after you read her piece you'll share how on-demand affects your life, both positively and negatively. Thanks, Cheryl, for provoking thought.

I’ve always thought of the word “demand” as a rather negative, impolite word. “I demand my dinner." “Women today have too many demands on their time.” Yet more and more I get the message that it’s socially acceptable to demand.

I work for a software company that is a leader in delivering "On-Demand" software solutions. In other words, our users deal with the software only when they need it, but otherwise don’t have to think about it or take care of it. My cable company offers me “movies on-demand”. I can get my prescriptions on-demand by refilling online.

I’ve been thinking about how on-demand has changed the way we manage our lives. How does it affect our parenting and homemaking? What about our approach to our work?

Because we’ve developed this on-demand expectation, we have no patience when we find ourselves waiting for the doctor or standing in the grocery check-out or sitting at a red light.

I witness my children’s approach to schoolwork. When term papers or projects are assigned they simply go to the internet, Google all the research and illustrations they need, then cut and paste it together. TaDa!!! They’ve adopted on-demand learning.

They’ve never had to sit in a library manually copying tons of material because they weren’t allowed to check-out the research books and copy machines didn’t exist. They don’t know what it’s like to sit in front of a typewriter, praying you don’t make a mistake because corrections make the paper very messy. Technology has made the work far less labor intensive. But I’m certain it’s not replacing the amount of time their brain needs to actually LEARN the material.

I observe my children in their social interactions. They don’t make plans until the last minute. Or they make a plan and then change it at the last minute, causing everyone in the household to adjust to the new plan. “C’mon, Mom”, they say. “Get a grip. We’re just going to the movies. Who really cares if we change our plans?” They sit in their bedroom on a Saturday evening until 10 pm, lulling me into that comfort zone all parents find when we know our teenagers are safe at home, and then announce that they are, in fact, going out and “What’s the problem, Mom? My curfew isn’t until midnight.”

The problem is that their inability to stick to a plan is 1. disrespectful to everyone involved; 2. not helping them learn how to make and follow through on a commitment; and 3. creating an all-around impression of unreliability.

On-demand tells them they need not consider anything beyond their own immediate gratification, however, their mother tells them that they need to develop patience, self-discipline, respect and consideration for other people, an appreciation of the value of hard work, and a million other things that will turn them into good people and serve them well as conscientious, productive adults. It’s hard enough without all the distractions our culture offers.

What do you think? How does on-demand impact your life? Do you think it’s positive or negative, and how are you managing it? -- Cheryl Ralston

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

Ditch the Revolution? Never!

Today is National Ditch Your New Years Resolutions Day. How sad is it that we have a designated day for giving up on ourselves?

This is one WAHM who refuses to give up. I've kept all three of my "revolutions" on the same day only once since the new year rolled in. Yep. Just once. But most days I've kept at least two of them, and that's more than I would do if I ditched them altogether.

So I raise my decaf coffee to you (it's after 2:00) and ask "How's your revolution going?"

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

WAHM: New Year's Revolutions

Shortly after I launched my freelance writing business I announced to my husband and the mirror that my work day ends at 5:00 p.m. I would happily handle dinner preparations, mail sorting, personal errands, gardening, and calls to my mother-in-law after the close of my business day.

That worked really well until our daughter was born and I fell clutching and screaming from the highwire of my perfect work/life balance and slammed into the unyielding reality of WAHM-hood.

For a long time all I did was wipe... her chin, her butt, her fingers, the counter, the floor, the rug, my lap, my shirt, Daddy's shoulder, strangers' hands...

After about six weeks I managed to eat breakfast and get dressed on the same day. She celebrated by screaming from 5:30 to 9:00 that night and every night thereafter for the next month.

Somehow, in the blur of wiping and screaming and 45-minute sleeping I loved her more every day and actually completed some work for my clients. It was the closest I've come to developing psychosis.

We've all learned a lot since then, and I've regained a fair portion of the work/life balance I had pre-WAHM, but not as much or as consistently as I'd like. Therefore, I'm making three New Year's resolutions - which I call revolutions, because although they seem simple enough, my mastery of them will revolutionize my daily life:

1. I will eat breakfast before leaving the house.
2. I will not have any caffeine after 2:00 p.m.
3. I will spend 30 minutes every day doing something just for me. I can kickbox, do yoga, read, play my flute, listen to music, look at old photo albums, journal, sit by the lake... anything that is truly for me. (No cheating by cleaning out a closet or making a grocery list "because I feel better when things are organized.")

I realize now that there's no way for my writer work day to end at 5:00. Some days it doesn't begin until after 7:00 p.m.! But even if I never return to the highwire, with good balance I can climb higher up the ladder. And that's a good day's work.

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

WAHM: Space... The Final Frontier

"My husband doesn't understand my need to keep the hallway closet empty. I just finished cleaning it out and he doesn't understand why I don’t want him to put anything in there… I thought you might."

"All I want is one day when I don’t have to rush. I feel like I’m always hurrying… no matter what I’m doing I’m trying to get done fast because I’ve got other things to do. Then I have to do them fast so I can get onto the next thing. I’m tired of hurrying. Do you ever feel like that or is it just me?”

“That’s it. I give up. I can’t keep clearing out the same sippy cups and shoes and junk mail… and Kroger receipts… and the next day it’s all back again, all over the house and the car… like I didn’t do anything. I can’t do it anymore. Just let the mess come. I give up.”

Three different voice mail messages from three different WAHMs, but I think they’re all about the same thing. Space.

When we talk about work/life balance we’re really talking about space, aren’t we? We’re trying to make room for ourselves and our families and our work – in a limited space. Time management, clutter busters, feng shui, 15-minute meals… all about creating space, or at least the feeling of space.

I love white space – an unadorned wall or the rare blank square on my calendar; it feels like designated breathing room. Airspace.

I need outer space for running down a hill or jumping hard into a wide puddle. I need inner space for reflection and becoming. When I’m hunting ants I need crawl space. Doing yoga I need sprawl space. For thinking I need head space, and I can't imagine life as a writer without back space.

My husband is my safe space. My daughter is my play space. The big flat rock under the cottonwoods? That's definitely My Space.

Are you winning your space race?

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

WAHM: Aim High

In addition to the observance of Labor Day today is National Skyscraper Day. Aim high in your labors!

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

WAHM: Yummy vs. Slummy

Hello, WAHMs. I have to interrupt our summer hiatus with this great article by Kathleen Deveny. I hope you will set aside a few minutes and follow this link to her piece Yummy vs. Slummy. Many thanks to Mary Holley for sending it to me.

I'm looking forward to "seeing" all of you again on September 4th.

Live well,

Sally

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood

WAHM: Business Partners

Just in time for Father's Day Holly Swantek of Holly Swantek PR offers this clever and thoughtful celebration of her husband in his role as a WAHM booster. Holly shares five smart, realistic strategies for getting the most from your most important home-based partnership. Great job, Holly. Thanks!

Not long after Sally asked me to contribute an article on how my husband has helped me to be a successful WAHM, I was inspired by a pearl of wisdom from my 5-year-old son, dispensed over breakfast as my husband hustled around the kitchen and out the door to catch a plane.

"Mom," he said. "If Dad is on a trip then you're in charge, and if you're on a trip then Dad's in charge. Right?"

From the mouths of babes, that's how it works -- after 7 1/2 years of me working from home, we've finally morphed into a seamless team that supports a WAHM environment. Like anything worth doing, it hasn't always been easy. But today, the rewards are ours to share. Here are my Top Five Tips on how to make it work.

Banish 'Boy vs. Girl'
I bring home some bacon, fry it up in the pan, tie up the garbage, pull the recycling to the curb & hit grounders to my son when Dad can't make practice. My husband takes little temperatures in the middle of the night, folds and puts away laundry, fixes scrambled eggs and wields a toilet brush with the best of 'em. Neither of us has time for gender stereotypes.

Hold Regular Strategy Sessions
The topic of these meetings may flow from the kids' allowance, to his travel schedule, to specific projects either of us is working on, to why we got a cat without telling him first. (The kids called him from the pet store, it's not my fault we didn't have good cell reception!) Regardless of what's discussed, these sessions must occur. Over morning coffee. Over a glass of wine in the evening. Over the children's heads at the playground. They must occur.

Protect the Glass Ceiling
And the glass shower, the tile floor, the washer & dryer, and whatever else may need repair. A household issue quickly becomes a workplace issue for a WAHM. If husband travels a fair amount and neither of you is a talented do-it-your-selfer, then resolve to do whatever you have to do to get the job done. This usually means picking up the phone and calling for help. It hurts to pay for something you think you should do yourself, but it will save you tenfold in sanity down the road.

Promote From Within
Be generous with titles. Around the house, my husband is CEO and I am COO. In my business, I am Founder & President, and my husband is Director of IT and Strategic Consultant, but if I think he can take on more, I will give it to him. When I asked him how he has helped me to be a successful WAHM, he replied: "There's not enough blog space in the world for everything I do!" His confidence has been rewarded with a new title: Chief of Exaggerated Claims...perfect for a public relations business! And finally,

When All Else Fails, Remember You're On the Same Team

Holly Swantek

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood